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When the story surfaced that Rob and Michele Singer Reiner had been killed and their son, Nick Reiner, was a possible suspect, it brought addiction back into the public spotlight. However, parents affected by a child’s addiction fear the dialogue will center on an extremely uncommon act of violence rather than the far more common dangers of the disease.

A Familiar Pain

Ron Grover and his wife, Darlene, have been watching the news. They were merely familiar with the Reiners professionally, yet they identify deeply: their own son also developed a dependency at 15 to opioids and later heroin, similar to Nick Reiner, and spent years in and out of rehabilitation and the legal system. After a long and painful struggle, their son got sober in July 2010.

“It’s just heartbreaking,” says Grover. “It rips your heart out, because that’s a family destroyed, just like so many other families we know whose loved ones succumbed to the disease of addiction.”

The Scope of the Crisis

More than two-thirds of Americans report their lives have been touched by addiction—whether through their own use, a relative’s dependency, housing instability from addiction, or an drug-related emergency leading to hospitalization or loss, according to 2023 data.

Approximately one in six Americans, or tens of millions of people, were living with a drug or alcohol addiction in 2024.

“This can happen to anybody, no matter how rich you are, no matter how disadvantaged you are, no matter how influential you are,” emphasized Grover.

The Weight of Judgment

The Reiner story resonated deeply with Greg, who leads a family support group. “We talk a lot about how it’s a condition that affects the whole family,” Greg said. “It has a profound effect on others’ lives.”

However, he is worried that the tragic events will make people “very wary of anybody who’s admitted to having an addiction, and think that they could become dangerous at any point in time. And that’s not true,” Greg noted.

These “are really important conversations to have, since addiction is so widespread in the United States and the rates have continually increased,” stated an associate professor who studies addiction and criminal justice. She pointed to the significant stigma surrounding addiction and mental health in the U.S., including the “perception of someone being really dangerous and the potential for causing violence.”

She also cautioned against making assumptions about the reported involvement of the son or his condition at the time, noting it is unclear whether drugs or psychological distress were recent factors.

“I’m afraid that people are going to take their biased views of addiction and substance use disorder, and create a narrative to try to make sense of what happened,” she said. “Because of his history, the first thing that everyone is talking about is his addiction.”

Separating Myth from Fact

While addiction can lead to unpredictable behavior, and some substances may increase aggression, a violent crime like a murder of two people is exceptionally rare.

“The huge majority of people with addiction or this illness do not ever show anything remotely close to aggression. It’s a true anomaly,” the expert explained. “The statistical truth is a person is far more probable to hurt themselves than anyone else.”

The Constant Anxiety

Both Greg and Grover have lived with dread—not of their sons, but about them.

“I’m afraid he’s going to die at some point,” Greg said. “If he relapses, it’s eventually going to claim his life. That’s my biggest fear. And my other fear is just being cut off from him.” He described the agonizing decisions parents face, such as setting boundaries and sometimes making the “horribly painful” choice that an adult child cannot reside in the family home.

“Our fear then was, every single night you went to sleep, that you could get a phone call or that knock on the door telling you that he was never coming home,” said Grover. Those fears are present “every single day, 365 days a year, for a parent.”

He recounted the harrowing calls: from the ER saying a son was not breathing; from prison, where a parent might rationalize behavior by thinking, “ ‘Well, at least he committed theft to support his habit; at least he wasn’t burglarizing the neighbors’ houses.’”

The Loneliness of the Struggle

Parents often battle isolation—questioning whether the addiction stemmed from some parental failure; bearing guilt for a child’s actions; and dreading the stigma directed at both parent and child.

It is extremely challenging to understand a family’s ordeal without having been through it, Greg noted. “With addiction, it can change on the spot. You could be content one day and miserable the next... It’s not uncommon for that to happen.”

The Path Forward

Data indicates about 75% of people with addiction are able to achieve recovery.

“Just as you can recover from any other type of disease, you can get over this disease, too. You can heal and be productive,” said Grover. “If you work at it and you stumble, you get up and try again.”

Today, his son is a married with children, holds a university education, and works as a skilled tradesperson. Grover reflected on his struggle to “fix” his son, realizing it could not be forced.

“I can push him into recovery if I want to, but if he doesn’t grasp my hand for help, it’s not going to work,” he said.

Yet, they always reiterated they loved him and had faith in him.

“I tell any parent or anybody else that’s dealing with someone addicted to drugs: make sure your hand is always, always outstretched, because you never know when they’ll take it and take it.”